The marathon we're all running...

Dear Friends,

No matter how old my kids are, I will always think of the back-to-school season as a new start, a new year, with new routines and thoughts about what I would like the year ahead to look like. For me, I want less stress. I want sanity. Talking with others, I know I’m not alone. 

The truth is that most of us are operating at a pace that is not congruent with our biology. 

We think there’s something wrong with us, that it’s a deficiency in ourselves that we can’t keep up with what we’re supposed to, or “should” be, doing. We’re running a constant marathon, finding that the only variety is the number of hurdles in our way. We are perpetually short on time. We are always going, producing, and trying to find ways to be more efficient and optimize our tasks for speed so we can do “more.”

But the reality is that what we are expecting of ourselves is not humanly possible. Our brains and bodies have not evolved to this frenetic pace – nor could they! We are not robots or machines, and the toxic consequences to our physical, mental, social, and emotional health are crystal-clear. 

In short, every single day our brains and bodies are in “fight-or-flight,” our stress hormones are causing inflammation, reducing our immunity, increasing our physical health risks of heart disease, stroke, and chronic illness. We are overwhelmed, worried, suffering from burnout, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Head-down, focused on “just getting through this _____” (fill in the blank: week, issue, project, task, month), we have little time for reflection, curiosity, conversation, deepening our relationships, or our own joy.  

We go to bed way too late in an effort to get the downtime we are desperate for – or squeeze in those last few tasks. Unfortunately, sacrificing our sleep puts our physical and mental health further at risk, as adequate sleep is critical for our body and brain to repair and recover. We treat it as optional, but it’s something we must prioritize so we can show up the way we want to and reach our full potential. It stabilizes our emotions and reduces daily stress and anxiety – and gives us patience. 

It doesn’t have to be this way. The good news is that it’s within our power to disrupt this cultural-norm cycle of existence. We are our own agents of change – and person by person by person is how culture changes. More importantly, we can create the change we want in our own lives. How will we live our one and precious life?

1. Pause. Find space for you to reflect 

2. Reflect on whether you are living the life you want. Are you ok? Is this what you want? Are your daily behaviours in line with your values and priorities? 

3. Evaluate your daily life. Where can you create space? 

   1. Work life: Block out some time during your day for lunch, walk with a colleague, and catch up. Protect your calendar from days of back-to-back meetings.

   2. Home life: Do you have a regular time to get together with friends? Do you know your neighbors?

   3. Family life: Do you have a regular night to have dinner together? Have a game night? How are you creating space in your kids' schedules after school so they aren’t signed up for back-to-back activities? Downtime is key for social skills, creativity, processing, and for parents not spending considerable income and time on organized youth sports.

4. Don’t be afraid of downtime. It can feel like distraction and busyness are key to avoiding our own thoughts or boredom in kids. You may feel strange, uncomfortable, or lost at first, but you will adapt to your benefit.

None of us want to regret the race and direction of our lives before we take our last breath. So as we look to this new season, what are we going to do to prioritize and nurture our relationships – with ourselves, our friends, our neighbors, and our loved ones – before we get swept into the rush of the next thing? 

Building a life worth living comes from our intentional internally-driven actions —not by trying to keep up with the dysfunctional norm. Let’s do this together.

PS- Today’s the last day to vote for my SXSW panel on block parties, where I can tell the world about the power block parties bring to knowing your neighbors and building your village. You can click here to vote now!